Fall in Eternity

Temptation

2011-07-10T08:04:00.001-07:00

Lovely red dripping
Down from my lips, enticing,
Wanting.

Lost in his eyes
A never ending abyss
Pulling,
Screaming,
Thrashing

Control, I lost
Senses, stripped
Hatred, building

Temptation, closing in
Temptation, leave
Temptation, in my hands
Temptation, give in

The Call to God

2011-01-26T06:57:00.000-08:00

Driven to the lonely decision
Of mere existence,
I function as a marionette
Energized by power-deprived current
I plaster a smile because they smile
I love because they love
I'm an imperfect reflection
Against the world

When darkness falls,
When the flat separation seeps in,
In the depths of my wandering thoughts,
I whisper, I call, I scream
For God alone can hear

I shut my empty eyes and prayed hard
I prayed for a plant of any kind to keep me company in nights like this
I didn't ask for a flower of the prettiest kind,
Or a cactus which can live through drought,
I asked for a plant, a simple insignificant plant

On a day like any other,
I decided to sail far away
To seek more thoughts and my thoughts alone,
Envelop myself in a humorless cocoon

After a bit of waiting, no colorful flying butterfly came to be,
But God chose to answer my prayer
In the most indistinguishable way possible

Wrapped in my cocoon, warped in my own sense of world,
A plant housed me, took me in and held on to me
I stopped for a while, and opened my eyes
From the core of my being, I wanted to hold on

God answered my prayers and gave me more
and less of what I asked for
He held onto me, I held onto him
But what He didn't choose to give was most precious,
He didn't give time
And all for this short while, I held onto him
Too soon, be apart.

Hands

2010-12-02T05:33:00.000-08:00

Sleepless nights
Again and again
Unchanging
Restless
Never there

Tonight
On my bed I lie
Awake
Seeking your hand
A lifeline,
A constant

An inch, a foot
Away
Farther
I touch
Another's

And I miss you.

Nights

2010-09-29T02:06:00.000-07:00

I stay awake at night
I hear your voice
I see your face
And my mind can't keep you out
My heart insists on
Not letting you go

When I manage
To shut my eyes,
I wake up with tears
I keep crying

Loving you was always painful
It still is
You brought joy
You brought tears
And now you bring pain
Like a dove carrying death
On its wings

I shut my eyes for
The nth time
Tonight
And wish I won't
Remember

Walls

2010-06-19T09:29:00.001-07:00

The walls around me
Won’t crumble,
Or decay

The walls around me
Are indestructible and
Ruthless

The walls around me
Won’t go down to ruins

The walls around me
Live like iron-fisted seeds
Along the crash of waves
Against the coast

The walls around me
Grips my heart,
Sears my soul,
Strips me of life

The whispers from the inside
Capturing my sins,
my pride, my love,
my sense of feeling
and being

I walk down on a path
that presented “life”
And I see that

The walls around me
Won’t be left behind.

Homeless

2010-06-05T09:11:00.000-07:00

In this old place,
Where flowers bloom and wither,
And where seas keep crashing
Against the sun-burnt sand,
I find no shelter
To keep me from
The defying odds of nature

On this land,
I found hope and terror,
I smelled fear and anger,
And I felt joy

From this dire environment
I run away

I keep going places -
Everywhere it's the same
My belongings are packed -
Always ready to be grabbed
For my leave

And people think
'Is a fugitive in their midst?'
But a fugitive will,
And always be sought -
He is existing and chased
As to I
Have no person to keep me down

because I have no home to keep.

Music Box

2010-05-31T07:41:00.000-07:00

I've turned the key
Let it played, turn
Round and round,
Let it enticed me in its wonder
Wound up its music
Around my head

Created an illusion
That made me happy

As the key staggered
Its way to its last rhythm,
Melody,
It robbed me of my tears

It finally ended
Finally closed.

And took my heart away from me,
Then broke its key.

Tears

2009-10-07T04:14:00.000-07:00

To sing mutely
And dance without music
Is like falling in love

In the empty abyss
Of substance abuse
Where everything but nothing
Is a haze full of pain

And where shall we wait?
Until when should we wait?

When we're dying cold and shameless,
Brooding and sad.

Intellects suffer because they think
Of others not thinking,
Of others not feeling

Where do we feel filled hollows
With boiling madness?

Will you hold on
When alarm bells ring,
Sounding through an
Empty dark room.

There, we end.

Response

2009-09-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

When I first saw your smile,
I know there was nothing to hide,
When I saw the gleam in your eye,
I knew you needed me,
Because I saw through you,
And I saw hunger

I offer companionship,
You received it lovingly
I offer hope
You received it humbly

Now I offer love,
You kept it,

But you forgot that there was such a thing you hold,
You seek, you take in a deep breath, and look
Your eyes searching far,
I wanted to hold your hand
To say you'll eventually find it,
Even though I wanted you
To read my mind and see there
That what you're looking for is at the palm of your hand

When I see you there,
In a little corner by the drift of tear,
I want to hold you,
Get you out of there,
Say it's alright and safe

I think of you,
I hope I cross your mind
Even though I know
That you never saw me,
Even in your dreams

I want to hold you,
But I want you to hold my head too,
When I cry,
When I feel helpless,
When I feel lost,
When I am feeling nothing.

I want you to be there,
To hold me,
To care for me,
To love me,

Because I feel so lonely,
I feel so weak.
What I had to give,
You took them all.

The Prince and the Waiting

2009-08-12T07:53:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
In a land far away,
Or at least, that's what they say,
There was a boy,
Who never wanted to be a prince

And in a land much farther away,
There was a girl,
Pretending to be a princess

She waits for her prince,
Dreams of her happy ever after
And traps herself in her own illusions,
Wishing, waiting, hoping.

And she got tired,
And lonely,
And reverted back to nothing,
While the boy was at his castle,
Too scared to go out,
Too afraid to know,
To live, to love.

There was never a happy ever after,
There is no forever,
And there will never be any beginning.

Lost

2009-08-02T06:59:00.000-07:00

It's because
We are both hurting
And crying,
Now we are lost, done trying

And I see you with someone else
And cannot forget
The blankness in your eyes
The empty hollowness,
Eating you from the inside

We touch,
Long lost lovers,
Who cannot be together again
And we were both confused
And lost track of the road again

We journey back
But we cannot hold on to each other
Letting go will be best
But it hurts too much
And we get scared

We had no choice
We have to cling to others
To live, to survive
Then they are temporary and blissful

We seek each other again
Hoping, wishing,
The other is there.

Because we know.

We know.

We have always been together.

Illusions

2009-07-31T00:09:00.000-07:00

Blistering pain has been trying
To conquer me, one who's dying,
A hollow shell inside the darkness
Living inside an obvious mess

The writhing pain, the soaring
Lightheadedness
And the needles
Pricking the tip of my fingers

The bloodshot eyes,
The fallen ones,
Where do you run to?
To the light or to the
Burning madness of veiled pleasure?

Gone

2009-07-20T05:13:00.000-07:00

Is that all we are worth?
Without a glimpse
Nor even a goodbye
You're gone

What do I do now?
I'm lost without you
I keep holding on to memories
But I'm out of your life

How will I find another?
I can only think of you,
Your sweet kisses and loving arms,
All my imagination

Am I delusional?
Where are you now?

Should I mourn my loss?
Or should you mourn yours?

Random

2009-06-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

I still wonder if you really love me
Thoughts keep running through my head,
wondering if I really make you happy
Or you just pretend that I do.

It hurts knowing you are willing to do
Everything from your previous loves,
but what are you willing to do for me,
Really?

I could dedicate thousands,
Millions of songs, to
Tell you how much
I
Love
You

But how many hymns are you willing
To sing, to play,
For me?

Don't let me wait
l
o
n
g
.

Rainy Days, Sunny Nights

2008-10-29T23:40:00.000-07:00

I look out, my tired feet
Resting on the tattered couch
Just beyond the mind conquered by invaluable sanity.
It was raining, little drops tearing against the glass
Of my bedroom window,
I reach out, an attempt
To touch the passing spirit
Of the transparent presence

I was in stupor, yet again,
Believing everything was real
From the passionate kisses
To the deepest love I had always yearned for,

I write your name in the air,
Hoping my love would be embedded in your heart,
Hoping that once, even just once,
You would live to know,
Somebody has her love for you.

Now that the rain has subsided,
There would always be a rainbow,
Some sunshine to cheer me up,
And I just bury my head
Within what my imagination can grasp
It had always been you...

Your face, the warm smile,
The gentle caress,
The firm grasp...

The first and last person I see
When I close and open my eyes
And illusioned mind and dying heart...

From rainy days
To sunny nights.

Love

2008-10-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

The most trivial and important
Experience that could be brought
Upon man

What could love really be?
What could love really do?
What could love make us feel?
What could love make us do?

Is it love when I feel
Like I'm on the top of a pedestal
Singing at the top of my voice,
Eyes closed,
And him in my mind?

Or is it when I lay down in bed
And try to sleep, but
His image appears and
Makes me happily dream?

What could love really be?
It may be the funny feeling
In my stomach, or
The sudden chill and warmth
When his presence suddenly
Embraces me.

It may also be the desire
To give everything and
Anything
Just to be with him

What could it really be?
It can be expressed
In a million words,
And still leave a gaping hole
About what it is

And as of now,
Love is something
I'm sure I would be giving him.

The Things That Pain Me

2008-09-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

What are the things that
Make me seem like a
Thread of ball
Rolling downhill
Towards the sea -
incapable of treading
and resurfacing towards the
Indistinct water?

What are the things that pain me?
A rubber ducky left alone
in a draining bath tub,
A lone rose desiring sun
and trying to shield itself
Against the stormy wind

What are the things that pain me?
The intimate sound of your voice
Puncturing my insides like I was
Made of stone,

The way you held my hand like it was
The last thing you want to hold

What would be the things that would be painful?
The long separation from your longing kiss,
The sinking feeling of seeing you far,
Not finding me.

The end of my never-ending dreams
Of you holding me like you do to her.

What I Think of You

2008-09-07T18:14:00.000-07:00

What do I think of you?
A million times asked,
A million times vaguely answered.

What do I think of you?
I can say you're a firefly
Against my endless evening sky,
The joy
In each moment's passing ploy,
And I can also start to dwindle my words
To passing
Just to make you feel good.

Honestly, what do I think of you?
You're my pianist,
who plays with notes like they're part of life,
whose fingers dances on the white keys
Like it was a bridging gap,
whose wrists do not touch,
because music is delicate.

And what do I think of you?
I ask over and over again.

Honestly, what do I think of you?
The person, who, I'm afraid to lose
Because you were the one
Who gave me something to hold on to.
The person I dream of
Every moment of the day, and every second of the night,
The person I've been longing for all my life
The person I wish to hold in my arms
Like today is the last.

And you ask me again,
"What do you think of me?"
I could say many possible words,
But I could only stare and,
Smile, making my eyes wrinkle,
And mutter,
"I think you're great. She's lucky."
She really is.

Thank You For Keeping Me Alive

2008-08-31T07:52:00.000-07:00

As I walk the star-studded horizon
Of my empty future,
Going along the endless river
Where tears were shed
And hearts were broken,
You pulled me into the forest
Wherein the green grows,
Life was basked under the shining sun,
And thus,
My temporary redemption

I stopped living,
I walked on earth like a mindless being,
Occupied with the world's trivial problems,
I stopped feeling happy,
Knowing I couldn't be revived,
Knowing I fell deep into the black hole

But you pulled me out.
You kept me alive.
You told me to breathe, and see the world,
You told me it's not over,
You told me I wasn't dreaming,
And you held on to me,
Like it was my last day on earth.

My Desire for You

2008-08-09T10:07:00.000-07:00

My desire for you is inevitable,
Like how each day starts
With the sun coming up on the east
And setting down on the west
Like caprices undead from a living garden
and like how you disappeared all of a sudden

My desire for you is unforgettable
Because you made me remember
I can be worth more than everything to someone
Like how you made me feel
I did to you

My desire for you is intangible
Like how I see darkness when I close my eyes
Like how I see illusions when I look up the burning sun
And raise my hand to shade my eyes

My desire for you is death -
Inevitable, unforgettable, intangible.

My desire for you is
The kiss of dew on the leaves when morning comes -
Inevitable, unforgettable, intangible.

My desire for you compliments my love -
Inevitable, unforgettable, intangible.

Escape

2008-05-14T02:27:00.000-07:00

Destiny rocks the world
With its treacherous lull
And will catch one or two unexpected
Just as the sun's going down

Destiny doesn't ask one,
Because it doesn't accept anything,
It only gives
And answers subtly,
Or excruciatingly bluntly.

Destiny took its toll,
With the struck of dawn,
And the entrance of twilight
Over the sun-beamed hell
Burning my tattered flesh
Just as stinging my toes

Rock me, O Destiny,
Sing me your lullaby,
And maybe, just maybe
I can say goodbye.

Humans and Love

2008-04-24T05:34:00.000-07:00

Humans are fragile
Not only hearts.
Humans are vile,
Not only their hearts.

If a person's heart is taken away,
Only the pain in the chest will delay,
But the tears will still flow
And the spirit blown

If there were only two kinds of people,
The loved and the loving,
And the loving loves the loved,
But the loved loves another loved,

Thus, it would still be better
Because genuine love was not altered,
But if there were only players and played,
Not only spirits are broken,
But also egos sunken

Thus, a lesson.

Will vile humans be happy when they play with
True and fragile ones?

Footprints

2008-02-26T07:06:00.000-08:00

The length does not matter
The further, the better
Walk one step
Then a second
One by one I'm closer to an end
An end which
I hope will never come

Slowly,
Just slowly
There's no need to hurry
I'm cherishing this moment
Knowing it will bring me
just a little bit further

But it doesn't matter

As I go, the stronger I get
The more independent I become
Shouldn't it be like that?
I walk on this path
Leaving my barren memory behind

I know you would see

My footprints never leave
So do my memory

And I will love you
As long as I walk on this barren path,
As I walk on this empty space,
Until I reach an end -
An end I hope will never come

This is Because I Love You Too Much

2008-01-16T02:36:00.000-08:00

Everything I do seems pointless
And nowhere
I see stars because of the
Darks shadows created by clouds
I see nothing but your
Lightened face
Smiling, even not at me

I long to touch your hand
And feel the inexplicable
Sensation of selflessness

I wish you will see who I am
Not for who I am with,
Not for who I seem to show
I want you to see what's under my skin
The nerves of pain that keep me going,
And the stimulants which I keep taking

Then maybe you will see
The sorrow no one else sees,
Nor feels
Because everything seems beyond me

Swamped Hole

2007-11-16T02:42:00.000-08:00

Little becomes more
Slowly, gradually, waiting for time
Pouring and showering me
I ran deeper into it
Running for who knows how long
I didn't stop
I can't stop

I slipped
I broke down
There,
Just by the tree
With the pain from my hands
My knees,
Scarring not only my body
Also my soul

I stand up
I'm resilient
But I get tired
All the lone souls running after me do not
All the pain that sears doesn't too
All those sadness they carry with them

I take them under my weak abode
Believing I am strong
But they are pulling me down
Little becomes more
I know
But I do not stop them

Gardening

2007-09-20T05:12:00.000-07:00

I end up
Sprawled on a golden meadow,
Grains burnt by the sun,
Cottons flewn by the
Flowing wind

The heart attached under the earth
Rooted with the dirt,
With saltwater as the nourishment
Emotions do not grow on trees
They grow beneath,
Like a root-crop

Hidden.

Show Me

2007-08-16T11:15:00.000-07:00

Show me how it feels
To singed with ashes
And fall with burns
Tearing thy skin
Smelling of rotten cigarettes
And dusted flesh

See me live
Walk amongst dead
of beautiful and laughing faces
As if it was their last
On their grave

Touch me with hands
Show me how to feel
Teach me how to live

Maybe... just maybe
I'd feel much number

Salvation

2007-06-26T04:49:00.000-07:00

Save me the tears
I don't want them anymore,
Save me the longing,
I don't want to yearn anymore.
Be my guest,
Don't give me pain,
And wrench my heart out,
Like it's something
Made of clay.

Give me dreams,
Not just stinging words,
Leave me with memories
That wouldn't hurt as much anymore.

Smile

2007-06-25T03:49:00.000-07:00

I stared at your lips
And wished they were mine,
If they were,
Then I would ask for nothing,
But a vault
To lock them in,
And a marble engraved
With the letters of a
Secret,
And a hidden and isolated
Lot wherein
I could bury my keepsake
And keep it forever.

This is How Much I Love You

2007-06-08T05:07:00.000-07:00

You asked me once,
I kept my mouth shut.
You asked me twice,
I said, it didn't matter.

I could have given my whole life
Trying to look for an answer
Because I knew I can't find
The right words,
Nor even the right hymns
To tell you how much
I love you.

So I say,

I love you as long as the stars are up there.

I love you as much as I love the twinkle in a happy eye.

I love you until the ocean remains blue in my eyes.

I love you like I see everything as rainbow.

I love you more than the birds love flight.

I love you like I've never known love before.

I love you like this would be the last time I will love.

Steep Precipice

2007-05-17T14:31:00.000-07:00

Cold stone, broken rocks
Under my feet,
They're suddenly falling,
I'm slipping from within,
My soul
before my eyes.
My memories driving me
Crazy,
my life beyond my voice,
Nowhere,
Nothing,
No dream to grasp.

My skin brush
Against thy lips,
Longing for sweetness,
And bitter tears.

Come see me
as I do
Suicide.

Trance

2007-05-14T23:40:00.000-07:00

We look back upon
footprints, of steady
breathing, gasping,
cemented on sand,
written on air.
I was drifting on the clouds,
dreaming of candies,
chocolates and blueberries,
a rose would lash
at my closed eyes
and smiling lips
and I would begin
bleeding again.